No matter what circles I frequent—the New Right or occult—I run into a high percentage of people who suffer from depression or anxiety, or who are highly sensitive people.
These are some of the smartest, capable people I know, yet many are crippled because they see too deeply into the world. That’s why I wanted to write about Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). I learned about it while in school for lifestyle coaching and it’s the best set of tools for engaging in life that I’ve come across.
DBT is basically cognitive behavioral therapy combined with mindfulness practices from modern Buddhism. It’s a set of tools that well-adjusted people use regularly, without even noticing, to make themselves feel better. (RELATED: Hygge: The Nordic Art of Happy Living)
We all have a purpose in life, but we can’t pursue it if we’re too black-pilled by the world to function. Those of us who struggle with life in the modern world should learn these tools to avoid depression, anxiety, anger, and overall malaise. Over time, these techniques become second-nature.
DBT methods are divided into several categories: Wise Mind (practices for living mindfully and peacefully), Distress Tolerance (techniques for extreme emotional states or when you’re just in a funk), Emotional Regulation (daily practices that will create emotional stability), and Interpersonal Effectiveness (how to have good relationships). This post only focuses on Distress Tolerance but I may write about the others in the future.
Techniques for Distress Tolerance
When you’re experiencing emotional pain, anxiety, depression, anger, or another suboptimal emotional state, choose one or more of the following techniques to help you through it. Underlying the methods for distress tolerance is the understanding that if we can distract ourselves from a distressful state we’ll not only eliminate the negative state in the moment, but set ourselves up to cope better in the future. These were designed for “distress,” but can be used for less severe emotional pain as well.
1. Distract Yourself Using the ACCEPTS Technique
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Many of us with depression or anxiety dwell on the negative. The ACCEPTS technique is to distract yourself from negative thoughts and feelings and prevent them from spiraling into more intense emotions.
A – Activities: Do some activity to take your mind off what you’re going through. Get some work done, listen to a podcast or music, clean the house, walk the dog, read, run errands, exercise, or watch a TV show. Activities that engage the mind, like reading or listening to something, will work better than ones that let your mind keep running.
C – Contributing: Do an activity that helps someone else. Volunteer, help out friends or neighbors, call someone who’s lonely, spend a day smiling at strangers, share memes on Twitter, write an article, work on red-pilling people—all these will distract you while making the world a better place.
C – Comparisons: Compare your life to other people’s who you wouldn’t want to trade places with, or imagine how much worse your own situation could be. It’s a simple mind game that will work if it’s done sincerely.
E – Emotions – use the opposite: Figure out what emotion you’re feeling, then hack yourself to experience the opposite. If you’re depressed, find something that will make you happy—maybe it’s playing with your dog, putting on music and dancing, watching funny YouTube videos or songs, or calling a friend. If you’re filled with rage, find something that will make you peaceful—like breathing exercises, going to a yoga class, or hiking. Reading, music, and videos are good ways to flood the senses in order to experience a different emotion.
P – Pushing Away: Write down everything that’s bothering you in a list. Examine whether there are steps you can take right now to work on it. If not, make a conscious decision to “push away” that problem for the time being. Visualization is good to help with this, such as imaging you’re putting each problem in a box on a shelf or folding it in the closet, while visualizing yourself growing larger and stronger.
T – Thoughts: Our emotions are often exacerbated by our thoughts, so this technique involves using thought to consciously alter emotions. It could be repeating a mantra (either something religious or something to help your mood like “I am full of peace”), naming the color of cars as they go by, singing a song in your head, or reading while focusing on each word. The point is to stop the destructive thoughts, which works best by replacing them with something else.
S – Sensations: This involves any kind of physical sensation. It could be taking a hot bath, drinking a hot or cold beverage, eating an aromatic food, or getting a massage. (See self-soothing, below, for ideas.)
2. Self-Soothe Using the Five Senses
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Often times people with depression deny themselves simple daily pleasures, or will indulge unmindfully and with a feeling of guilt. The self-soothing technique is meant to distract you using comforting sensory experiences, and to teach you how to “soothe” yourself when in emotional pain. All should be done with mindfulness and awareness of the moment, and with a sense of being worthy of having a wonderful experience. Deep breathing helps.
Taste: Splurge on some chocolates, taking time to experience each bite. Make or buy a favorite meal, or have a tea, coffee, or cocoa.
Smell: Cook something savory, light a scented candle or incense, build a fire, smell flowers or essential oils, walk outside after a rain to smell the damp earth.
Sight: Look at beautiful things—nature, art books, a photo of someone you love (so long as it doesn’t elicit a depressive nostalgia), architecture in your town, an IMAX or nature movie, brighten your room with a plant or flowers, visit a garden or cathedral.
Hearing: Listen to music or nature sounds, or go out into nature. Relax to atmospheric music or a guided meditation.
Touch: Put on a comfy sweater or fleece and stoke the material, pet an animal, curl up in a warm blanket, relax in a bubble bath, warm your hands by a fire, float in a pool or lake.
3. IMPROVE the Moment
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I – Imagery: This involves using the imagination to imagine a happier time. A great tool is to make up an imaginary happy place, lay down, and imagine yourself there each time you need to. Involving all five senses will make it seem more real. Take time to bask in the happiness and peace you feel in the “safe space.” Or, you can imagine yourself in your current life with things going better and see images of yourself handling current conflict with strength and ease.
M – Meaning: Painful experiences become more bearable when we ascribe meaning to them, when we know why we’ve had to go through them. This technique involves thinking about the benefits, growth, or life lessons you’re receiving because of the current pain. If you’re suffering due to a death, for example, thinking about the positives you gained from having the person in your life can help you find meaning.
P – Prayer: This should be a more positive type of prayer than that of desperation. Prayer for answers and acceptance will be more healing than a prayer of distress, since begging for relief can intensify negative emotions and an out-of-control mindset. Praying the rosary or reciting a mantra work well too.
R – Relaxation: Any type of relaxation can be used: getting a massage, having sex, swimming, taking a bath, listening to a relaxation meditation, making a tea for stress reduction, or doing deep breathing.
O – One thing at a time: This is simply being in the present moment. Focus on your breathing, and concentrate on the task at hand, allowing yourself to forget whatever is causing the suffering.
V – Vacation: This is taking a vacation from your troubles and pain. It could be a “stay-cation” where you curl up on the sofa with a movie or book, a quick outing to a park or nature trail, a day trip, or a trip out-of-town, depending on your available time. Whatever you choose, allow yourself to let go of your troubles and heal during this time.
E – Encouragement: Similar to how self-soothing teaches us to soothe ourselves, this is about learning to encourage ourselves rather than wait for it from someone else. Spend time saying nice things to yourself, or listen to a YouTube video of positive affirmations until such inner talk becomes second nature.
4. Learn to Accept Reality As It Is
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These techniques include:
Observing your breath: Practice various forms of breathing meditation: Observing your breath go in and out, deep breathing while lying down, being aware of breathing while you walk, etc.
Half-smiling: If you smile, you’ll start feeling better, especially if you do it for a few minutes. You can smile to yourself or to other people.
Awareness: Practice awareness of your body: what position you’re standing in, how your limbs feel, what you’re touching. Be aware and mindful when doing simple things like making tea or washing the dishes. Besides emotional support, this will improve your posture and lead to better physical health.
5. Alternate Rebellion
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Since DBT is often used for people with borderline personality, bipolar disorder, substance abuse problems, or teenagers, those who practice it are used to rebelling in ways that mess up their lives. “Alternate rebellion” is a fun practice that involves replacing negative rebellious actions with more positive ones. You’re still shaking things up, and probably pissing people off, but in a way that’s healthy for you. Maybe it’s calmly and maturely telling someone what you think of them (rather than yelling it at them), or you can speak up when you disagree, write a letter to the editor, say no to people asking for your time, wear something unconventional, or dye your hair. Shake up your routine and personality in some way, and be less OCD, such as leaving the lights on or not cleaning up for while. Many adults are still rebelling against overbearing parents and bourgeois society even into late adulthood, and these activities can be fun ways to stir up trouble and get anger or depression out of your system without harming yourself.
6. Willingness is defined as the state of mind of being a willing and active participant in the world and existence. The crippling effects of depression and anxiety can leave people as passive and unwilling participants in life, so this practice is simply to consciously engage in life.
7. Turning your mind: Related to Willingness, this involves continually turning your mind to acceptance of life and the world, and engagement in them.
8. Radical acceptance: This is often related to painful events of the past, when we try to stay in a state of denial. But you have to accept reality in order to move forward. Anything less than radical acceptance means your future will be ruled by the painful events of your past. Whether it’s accepting someone’s death or the consequences of childhood abuse, you must accept it in your entire heart and body in order to move forward.
9. Make a pros and cons list: Have four columns: pros and cons for tolerating the distress (trying to get over it), and pros and cons for not tolerating it (continuing the negative emotional state).
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