Hygge is a Danish word for finding happiness in the little things in life. More specifically, it’s a way of taking ordinary events and making them cozy and comfy. It encompasses everything from comfort food to inviting interior design to close friendships. The word comes from the Old Norse hyggja, which means “thinking and feeling satisfied and is related to finding shelter, rest and safety, and regaining energy and courage,” according to Marie Tourell Søderberg’s Hygge: The Danish Art of Happiness.
Hygge is pronounced kind of like hue-guh (see this video) and has been popularized in a plethora of books the past few years. Hygge involves at least three things: It’s about spending time with loved ones (even if that’s just you), doing something enjoyable and comforting, and being in a safe environment where you can be your authentic self. (The last one is key, and something I’ll come back to later.) Because of the “comfort” aspect, hygge usually involves eating and drinking. And due to the long winters in Denmark, it’s often used to bring more joy to life during the darker, colder days—hence hygge’s common threads of fires, warm clothes, and hot drinks. Jakob Nyholm Jessen is quoted as saying: “Seeking warmth and comfort inside when it’s cold and dark outside epitomizes hygge for me.” In modern terms, hygge is like behavioral therapy to ward off seasonal affective disorder. (RELATED: Distress Tolerance: DBT for Depression, Anxiety, and Anger at the Modern World)
Hygge is:
- Reading a book by the fire with a cup of hot chocolate, the dog curled up by your feet
- Cutting some fresh flowers and picking vegetables for dinner
- A lazy Saturday morning pottering around in slippers and a robe while eating homemade cinnamon buns
- Eating popcorn with the kids at the annual viewing of A Charlie Brown Christmas
- Sitting on the couch with a warm blanket, reminiscing with an old friend
- Reading a bedtime story to your children, perhaps one from Norse mythology
- Playing a card game at your parents’ house with old records playing in the background
- Placing a chair by an open window for optimal wildlife-watching, and to let in the sounds of bird songs
- Sipping a hot toddy with your spouse before turning in for the night under flannel sheets
- Using candlelight, soft lighting, or lamps rather than overhead lights
- A living room with plush rugs, comfy cushions, soft throws (plenty of places to make a nest)
- Going on a bike ride on a country road just for fun, not to work out
- Hanging out with friends or family and being spontaneous, letting the day go where it takes you
- Meeting friends in a coffeeshop for a relaxed but intimate conversation
The necessity of feeling secure for a hyggelig experience isn’t mentioned as much as its cozy and comfy side. But hygge requires that you’re in a space where you feel comfortable relaxing and being yourself, which is why it’s so often associated with the home and family. We’ve all been in situations where all the right elements for hygge are there—good food, lovely surroundings, perhaps a hot cider—but the sense of safety and freedom is missing. Maybe the people are superficial, maybe they say “don’t dare talk about this or that,” or maybe when you’re honest you’re attacked for your views or made fun of. In such a situation you have to wear your hyggefacade, “a mask you put on in a social context to pretend that there is hygge going on.” Such an atmosphere isn’t hyggelig, it’s hostile.
In the same light, what’s hygge for one person could be off-putting to another. This is why being with one’s family of origin can be most hyggelig or the least hyggelig experience. Hygge should be an intimate time, but we can only have intimacy and authenticity where we feel safe, loved for who we are, and free to express ourselves.
Christian Bjørnskov, professor at Aarhus University and author of Lykke (Happiness), describes hygge:
We dare to be who we are in each other’s company, and this affirms us that we have stable relationships in our lives, meaning we will never stand alone. This is a social security of great value, and one of the most important sources of our happiness.
In hygge we also find a sincerity and comfort that means that we dare to express ourselves when we disagree. And when we, in a respectful and relaxed way, dare to discuss the bigger questions in life, we get the opportunity to see ourselves and the life we lead with a new perspective, becoming more aware of what makes us happy.
Hygge is super important for children, as it helps them feel safe and secure at a fundamental level—and that security is required for them to have trusting relationships and be a positive part of the community. For children, hygge can be reading them bedtime stories; letting them play and explore without fixed activities; letting them crawl into bed with you during a storm; singing songs together; telling jokes; decorating with gnomes during the winter and letting their imagination run wild; doing chores together; preparing food together; gardening; playing a game; watching the occasional movie with a comfy snack; or picking out produce at the store. Many of these involve taking on responsibility, which gives children a sense of being an essential part of the family or community at a young age.
If you look at photos or videos about hygge, it tends to have a certain Scandinavian style—natural materials, traditional patterns, good quality, lots of homemade items. It’s not that you couldn’t have hygge in front of an electric heater with your cocoa in a plastic cup, but it might be a bit harder. There’s an element of the traditional in hygge, a sense of knowing that old-fashioned, quality things make us feel better. That being said, there should be a balance between buying things and the open, authentic experience that is truly hygge . . . and can’t be purchased.
It’s only recently that Danes have started emphasizing hygge as an important part of their cultural identity, but it’s a concept clearly rooted in European tradition. There are similar concepts in almost every northern European country: Gezelligheid in the Netherlands, Gemütlichkeit in Germany, Koselig in Norway, and mysig in Sweden.
May you Hygge!
Hygge is /comfy/
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